I almost died…

I came across this list on protein wisdom of things that might be on 60 Minutes this weekend and I almost died laughing. I once again got the chance to be the creepy guy who laughs like a lunatic while sitting by himself in his cube, not even on the phone. The last time that happened was reading this post by Jim Norton, who is an incredibly funny comic and doesn’t deserve to have ‘Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn’ cancelled. Stupid Comedy Central. If only they would focus more on funny shows that re-running Reno 911 every hour…

Jesus on my mind

This has been a day of Jesus for me. The jesus stuff started today when I saw this post on Dooce that had a Jesus bumper sticker that was pretty funny. Then I saw a post on J-Walk that featured LDS Dresses for special occasions, which I though was funny because pretty much anything involving LDS funny to me now. These two events set the tone for my “Day of Jesus”. I decided to look on Google and see if there were any funny image results for “jesus dress”. I found this result which seemed a little off base, but who am I to argue.

Britney and Madonna

After browsig through the pictures for a while I decided that “jesus dress” was not nearly a funny enough search string, so I decided on “jesus blowjob”, which was a lot funnier that the previous search. Next time I want to find funny pictures I’ll skip right to the vularities.

Search for DHS funny pictures

I was reading through my blogroll this morning and I saw that Mr. Sun was doing his customary Friday Google image search, and as I was looking though the creepy clown images I remembered these DHS images that Mike had shown me a few years ago. These images took real pictures and changed the caption to make them funny (which didn’t take a lot of work after looking at the pictures). I was determined to find them again so I started my own Google image search for these gems.

I started by searching for “terrorist safety pamphlets” and got nada, so I changed the search to “terrorist safety images”, which got several results but the ones I was looking for were not in the first three pages so I decided to refine a little more. I finally ended up searching for “terrorist images” and still no luck, but I did find this picture about the dangers of music downloading.

Bin Laden wants you to download music

Declaring defeat I contacted Mike and he did a much better Google search (but wouldn’t tell me what for) and found the original site that was a spoof of this site. Before he found it he sent this link to random images from what I can only assume to be someone’s web site. I briefly browsed through the images and decided to showcase a few choice pics
Fight Club flight activities Don't drink and carve

After re-reading and re-laughing I decided to go through the original search results some more and see if I could find any other funny terrorism stuff (so many terrorism things are funny) in the results. I didn’t find a huge amount of funny things, but I did find this handy terrorism for kids manual about how to deal with terrorism when you are but a wee child, as well as this sesame street homage.

puke"/

Google is pretty great, and can really help pass the time.

Uses for spam

Recently I re-directed all my personal mail to go to GMail due to amount of storage and availability that they offered. After switching over I noticed that the spam filter worked quite well, so I decided to re-direct my dreaded “junkmail” account as well. This is the address I use for any random internet form that is going to send me an email and expect me to able to check it to set up an account. If they don’t require this little exchange I use “hi@hi.com” because whoever actually owns that domain deserves it.

Anyway, after forwarding all the junk mail to the GMail account I cleared out the spam folder to try and get a good count for how much spam I received in a day. I forwarded the mail at 23: on Sunday evening and I currently have 597 spams, which is 7.1 spams an hour or 170 spams per day. I was pretty impressed by this number, and considered it a victory over the spam community. Yay for me!

While on the subject of spam, I came across this site a few weeks ago that had decided to put all that spam to use and build haikus out of the captured spam messages, which I thought was an incredibly clever idea. Then today I saw this post on Diary of a Network Geek which had found yet another clever final solution to the spam problem. After reading this I decided to see if anyone else had come up with any bright ideas on solving the spam problem. I stumbled upon a J-Walk post that created poetry from spam using Excel (of course). After I found that I figured that should be the extent of my search before I found some thing really strange. However, it’s good to know that in addition to being an annoyance spam can offer amusement to the masses as well. Yay for spam I guess?

Halloween activites

I forgot to post this when I wrote it. Better late thn never I guess…

Last night was Halloween and Brandy and I left the house around 4 or so to go eat. The real goal in this activity was to avoid any children that might wander into our neighborhood looking for treats. We didn’t have any candy, nor did we want to be forced to comment on every kid’s stupid costume. After dinner we went to pick up a gift for a baby shower and spent way too much time at the store. The plan was to mull around the store and take as long as possible to no absolutly nothing.

We could not seem to burn time fast enough and ended back up at the house around 6 or 7 which was not quite late enough to avoid the trick or treaters, so upon entering the house we made sure to turn off all the lights and only hang out in rooms where light and motion would not be visible from the front porch. It doesn’t help that we have that stupid glass door there, where you can see almost everything in the house. Luckily I had disassembled the door bell so any trick or treaters will have to man up and touch the two wires togetherr, or knock.

There’s nothing like feeling like a prisoner in your own house, at the mercy of three feet brats in bad costumes who are just looking to gorge themselves by getting as much candy as they can fit in their filthy little mouths, thereby guaranteeing their entry into therapy and fat farms later in life. Trick or treating is really fun, but do it at some ones house who doesn’t think kids are stupid (excluding Will, he is great). Next time I’ll board up the windows with plywood or something…

Enlightened about Ohio

At some point in time, I thought myself into believing that no president had been elected without winning Ohio, so I wanted to make sure I haven’t been spreading vicious lies and rumors around so I started looking for a site that had election results from the last couple of elections. Lo and behold, I found this great site put together by Dave Liep! I was very impressed with the amount of data he had collected as well as the presentation of it, it is a highly informative site. Anyway, back to the point. I scrolled though the elections he has on file (1789-2000) and found out that I was indeed, WRONG. Not only did get proved wrong, I found out that’s it’s happened a total of 7 times! Here is the break down (starts from 1804, since that is when Ohio first counted in a presidential election):

  • John Kennedy 1960
  • Grover Cleveland both 1892 and 1884 (they must really have hated him)
  • James Buchanan 1856
  • Zachary Taylor 1848
  • James Polk 1844
  • Marten Van Buren 1836 (no electoral majority)
  • John Quincy Adams 1824 (no electoral majority)

As I was a little downtrodden about spreading my filthy lies, I decided to try and figure out why I would have just made something like that up. I didn’t have to go far before I found this entry on Dave’s blog (he’s really proving to be useful for making me look bad) explaining it. Apparently I left a state out of the picture (Florida doesn’t deserve any credit anyway) completely! Well, now that’s cleared up and I can rest easy. I also noticed that a third party hasn’t won a state since 1968, although that situation was more of a redneck rebellion than a real third party. It’s so sad about the one-or-the-other choice. I for one would like to give many thanks to Dave for providing such a useful repository of information, even if it did prove me wrong. I should join or something.

On a completely different note, I have to point out that you can now get your very own Hello Kitty card! Now your little girl spend your hard earned money with a super-cute credit card. Alternately you could give it to a boy and play a game to see how many Boot Town’s he can use it in before he gets his ass kicked.
(via Good Grief and J-Walk)

Addictive Game

I saw this game (via SaltWaterPizza Blog) and I haven’t been able to stop playing it. So far I haven’t come close to hitting the minimum number of turns. I can pretty steadily get it done in 1.5 to 2 times as many turns. I kind of feel bad that I have been playing it for 2 hours now, but it’s not as bad a feeling as play MSN’s “BeJeweled” for the first time. I wasted an entire day on that stupid game, and it doesn’t even challenge you to think! Big ups to Scott for finding a game that not only wastes time, but helps you feel like you’re increasing your logic skills. Yay!